This site is called Tanner Reviews things, as it is titled to allow for on-the-whim type projects as this. I am going to start reviewing music videos. As it is a sillier topic to review, these reviews will be more fun-loving and will attempt to be a humorous review of new music videos. I will start this project by reviewing Usher's "Good Kisser" video.
The video opens on a neon alphabet company's warehouse, where employees have carelessly left the letters x&y electrified. Whoops. We then get a shot of the weirdest sub-woofer I've ever seen to a quick cut of the glowing feet of one Usher Raymond. Illuminating behind the singer is now a giant square, which leads me to believe this warehouse also stores neon polygons. This is obviously the storage facility of the coolest kindergarten in history. Usher breaks it down, and as the intro tune ends and eponymous song begins, he drops a pocket watch, which is important for one reason: Usher is a fan of antique timepieces. Time to put a pocket watch in my shri- I mean fan club room.
And now Usher is playing the drums. To show us he can. We then see a beautiful woman in a one piece that seems to have been torn and then patched with some sort of fish net. A series of quick cuts between the freckled lady and Usher, who is spinning. More on that later. Oh by the way, the "it" in the song is Usher's penis. Sorry for spoilers. A later lyric, "lipstick on my leg," confirms the notion. Also, it was pretty clear otherwise. Carry on, video.
The next interesting bit is not until the chorus first hits. If you didn't know, Usher is a good dancer. It's one of the constants of our timeline. At the chorus, we are shown nostril-down women, all doing pseudo-sexual things with their mouths, minus the pseudo. Finger biting is only the start, but then BAM! Usher hits you with a D'Angelo. Yep, he's spinning. Shirtless. This has been done before, Mr. Raymond. I'd love to believe that Usher is really behind on watching his music videos, and just recently watched the Untitled video and thought "yeah, I could do that." Lots of alone licking happens (shoulder, lips) by the women with no foreheads. Thus ends the chorus.
Suddenly, Usher is surrounded by dancers who all seem to be hurt in the same leg. Oh that's the dance move? Alright Ush, I'll let you get away with that one. Usher then chops at his inner thigh, suggesting that he possibly has a prosthetic of some sort. I just love when my friends and I have a break out dance party in the warehouse an elementary school run by Lady Gaga, don't you? More licking, but now of an ice cube? Or a really fake diamond.
Now one of the half human mouth ladies is biting what seems to be another piece of fake jewerly, because real diamonds would cut her mouth to bits. Science. A lady removes her top, and more standard dancing fare happens. I'm not sure what that brief red solo cup dance with obviously no liquids was about, but we'll go with it.
That's about it as far as monumental scenes go. Time for some observations and questions. That pocket watch was a necklace, so it looks like I will fix my fan club room shortly. I also just realized that one of the lyrics is "I'mma rain on this parade." Eww. In all seriousness, Usher has obviously found the Fountain of Youth. I would give all my views of this video to have one ounce of his dancing talent.
This is a great song, one I can't stop playing. As silly the warehouse is, I love this video. It's fun, we get to see Usher dance a lot, we get to see a variety of attractive people, and Usher's shirtless. I'm giving this video an 8.7.
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